A New Level of Broken

July, 2015

Who You’re Being Trumps What You’re Saying 
Every Time - Part 2 

In the last blog I wrote that people are constantly working on ‘improving’.

The goal of leadership and life is almost always get better, have more, or be different. The root problem is NOT what you are doing, it is who you are BEING.

I shared a personal example, of how I am always late for dinner with my wife. A situation that happened almost daily, and resulted in an argument where I would storm off upset as would she, and we would spend the rest of the night in pained and resentful silence.

Let’s continue the story...

One day I came up with a brilliant idea, I would be early. So I walk in at 4:59, one minute early and stand in the doorway with my hands on my hip and a smirk on my face. Sheryl is making dinner at the kitchen counter and turns around and is about to say, “You’re late again.” Then she notices the time and pauses. I then blurt, “Now what are you going to say?”

Sheryl - “What?”
Me - “I said, now what are you going to say?!”
Sheryl - “You are early for the first time in your life after being late for me your whole life and you want a cookie?!”
Me - “Are you kidding me, there’s no pleasing you!”
Sheryl - “Man you so don’t get it, do you?!”

I then storm off to down the hall and into my home office, get on my laptop, and answer emails that I can’t even read because I am too angry and frustrated to see straight. I then emerge for dinner 30 minutes later, we eat in silence for way longer than usual, and my kids have completely shut up while dealing with the uncomfortable silence, and now we have both stopped pretending to be ‘fine’ and are displaying outright resentment of one another. Our relationship has hit a new level of broken.

For me this was unbelievable. How could being on time result in the same gruesome ending for me and for her?

I had no answers until I eventually confronted my Way of Being.

Check out the next post in this series.

About the author 

Vik Maraj

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