Who You’re Being Trumps What You’re Saying
Every Time – Part 1

People are constantly working on ‘improving’. The goal of leadership and life is almost always get better, have more, or be different. If you step back and take a look, none of it really works.

Why doesn’t ‘getting better’ work?

It works to add some small increment in performance, like being less late, but fundamentally things are still the same – you’re almost always late. This is the ‘get better paradigm’.

“The more things change the more they stay the same.” – Alphonse Karr.

The root problem is NOT what you are doing, it is who you are BEING.

I used to be notoriously late for dinner with my family. My wife and I would agree that I would be home at 5 pm every day. I would then be late every single time, sometimes 40 minutes late. Here’s what it would look like. I walk in the door late and my wife Sheryl says, “You’re late – again.”

Me – “Yeah, I know. The client meeting went late and he wouldn’t stop talking.”
Sheryl – “You say that or some other excuse every time.”
Me – “You don’t get it do you? You want me to tell my CEO client to put his million dollar problem on hold ‘cause I gotta go for dinner?!”
Sheryl – “You so don’t get it?! You think the universe revolves around you and your schedule, don’t you?!”
Me – “There’s no making sense to you is there?!”

Then I walk away, go down the hall and into my home office, get on my laptop, and answer emails that I can’t even read because I am too angry and frustrated to see straight. I then emerge for dinner 30 minutes later, we eat in silence, and my kids bear the brunt of our mutual resentment as we both pretend to be ‘fine’. This would happen every week, week after week.

Now take a look for yourself, and a potential situation which is on spin cycle.

It will come around again, you will try some version of what you’ve already tried and it won’t work. Then you will be left frustrated and left feeling trapped. You will say things like, “I’ve talked till I am blue in the face”, “We’ve tried everything”, or “They just don’t get it”. Worse yet, you will actually try something new and surprisingly it will also fail. There is a reason for this experience of groundhog day.

I explain more in my next blog A New Level of Broken.

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