Who You’re Being Trumps What You’re Saying
Every Time - Part 3
This is the last of a three part post which answers the question, “Why does saying or doing something seemingly different, not produce new results?” In the first post, I shared about my chronic lateness with my wife that resulted in a blow up every time I would come home. In the second post, I described coming home early which resulted in the exact same outcome. In this last post, I’ll reveal why all of my ‘new’ action continued to lead us down the same old rabbit hole.
Eventually, through doing the contextual work our company now offers, I discovered that the way I was being when I was late was justified and righteous. Also to my surprise, I discovered that the way I was being when I was early was, you guessed it, justified and righteous. In other words, I discovered Ralph Waldo Emerson’s profound statement.
"Who you are speaks so loudly, I can't hear what you're saying."
No wonder showing up early made no difference.
I was still a jerk.
When I actually got that my arrogance and righteousness was the real issue for my wife, I naturally became responsible and apologized. In fact, I discovered what it was actually like for her. Waiting on me to show up, so that she could feed two hungry little boys (under four years old), and eat together as a family.
I became so interested in her world, that the impact of my righteousness hit me hard. Since then, I have rarely been late and when I have been, I show up being fully responsible for breaking word and leaving her on her own. We have not had a fight about this again for years now.
Take a look for yourself. There will be some area for you that is stuck in the same way, that this scenario was stuck for me. Maybe it’s a relationship with an employee, client, colleague, partner, friend, family, neighbor, etc... You have a pattern that you both don’t deviate from.
They say “x” and you say “y” and you do this mind numbing dance every time.
At some point you may have tried something different, yet ended up with the same outcome. Just like the same action I took, consider that you have a way of being, that speaks to people much louder than everything you say and everything that you do.
What if you could discover your way of being, and then alter it completely. So much so, that the way you ‘showed up’ for people, made more of a difference than anything you’ve ever said before?
